The Pen Freeze

No, I did not somehow forget my pen in the freezer, though I might as well have. There is the so-called writer’s block. What I have been suffering from is a couple levels above that. A fear of the pen so to speak. A term known as ‘graphophobia’.

It’s been about 9 months since I published a post. This was not for lack of words or things to say. I made several attempts to start a post. The words were not really flowing, but that wasn’t the real deterrent. I have had writer’s block many times before. This was something else.

I was doubting myself. Did I really think I had something of value to say? Is mine a voice worth hearing? Do I have what it takes to be a writer? All these questions plagued me. I think it somewhat had to do with where I was in my life. A place of change where I was questioning a lot and instead of penning that confusion down, I allowed it to silence my voice. I thought it weird that as someone who had written many posts before, I would have such a great fear, but to my comfort, I read up on the fear of writing, and Clair De Boer’s ‘The Secret Fear Of Every Writer’ gave me some consolation. I was not alone and it is ‘normal’ to experience this.

When did I decide to face that fear, you might ask? For one, my sister started a blog that she had dreamt of and been planning for for over a year. Her courage inspired me and I have been witnessing her go from strength to strength as she tells the story of the black African Woman.

The moment I can clearly recall when I decided to pick up my pen in spite of where I was in my life, was a day I was walking and I looked up to see a bird perched on a power line. I don’t know what exactly happened, but it was God speaking to me. He was saying, “Look up. I am here. And no matter where you are, it will all be alright.” That little birdie perched on those wires relayed a powerful message to me to always seek inspiration and no matter what, look up because there is more to life than my current situation.

The little birdie that inspired me
The little birdie that inspired me

So I thought it only fitting to write about this – perhaps someone out there can understand what it means to be there. To be at a place of uncertainty where you question your abilities and the things you thought you were good at. Where you question that you have something valuable to add.

I salute all the writers out there who are persistent in their craft no matter the season in their life. My dream is to continue to speak as long as I have something of value to say, no matter what. And no matter what, to constantly seek inspiration.


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